Leuko Logbook 2: Hello, Leuko
Remember COVID? My tongue does!
Sobbing, Jan rushed to me with the phone in her hand, crying, “Bub just passed away!” The call from her family brought the tragic news that her only brother and daily email partner had collapsed from a sudden cardiac event just hours before he was to leave the hospital. A few days later I sat with her and three of our children grieving the great loss. A bad fall just days before brought a severe shoulder injury and hospitalization. He had made progress toward dismissal when something went terribly wrong. The crash team rushed to his side but he couldn't be revived. The storm of grief with its emptiness, regret, confusion, and even anger rippled across the entire family. My eulogy preached to an overflowing crowd that day in June 2022 remembered a vibrant, joyful man, distinguished professor of psychology, wise patriarch--gone all too quickly. Saying good-bye felt so profoundly hard for all of us in that Joplin, Missouri funeral chapel. The dark specter of Death stood too near to me once again.
I’m recounting the story about the funeral because, little did we know, a diabolical virus had slipped into our bodies to hitchhike back to Texas. Jan fell ill and I followed soon after. That deadly devil who had brought death and misery to millions, COVID 19, had arrived. We joined the victim list in spite of our up-to-date vaccines, mask wearing, mask manufacturing, and protection for two years of pandemic fear. Now the antibody medicine, Paxlovid, was available. We got the pills and felt grateful that our symptoms were mild compared to the terrible loss of millions of lives worldwide. After brief days of quarantine, we were back in action socially. Even my three-mile run felt normal.
We noticed some peculiar aftereffects: sores erupted inside my lips
Except… we noticed some peculiar effects: Jan’s tastebuds went haywire and small sores erupted inside my lips. Her highly sensitive taste, a boon for all the wonderful cooking across the years, signaled she was eating sheet metal. Throughout the Fall my symptoms worsened. Large sores on my tongue made eating painful, especially with spicy, hot, cold, crunchy, citrus—well, just about anything. Jan produced a sumptuous Thanksgiving feast for the entire family though nothing tasted normal to her. I chewed carefully to avoid the sores that throbbed with every bite. But, dear God, I didn’t back down from the pumpkin pie!
My feelings about all this were normal for anybody, I guess. I felt frustrated and a bit angry at having such a reaction when many people didn’t. I felt concerned because it just wouldn’t go away.
God and I were connecting through this with a different perspective than my early theological training. Even in my 26 years as a Pastor I didn’t follow the typical Southern Baptist doctrines. The welcome move in 2002 away from those devolving creeds to chaplaincy and counseling broadened my views of God’s larger work. In 2018 a refreshing new view, Open and Relational Theology, defined God’s non-coercive essential love as what I had been experiencing. I wrote in my diary, “The essential love of God, Christ universal, ultimate salvation for all through Jesus, the Bible as narrative, Spirit working in all things and people, science as ally, the future open and collaborative—it’s where I am, and pleased to be.” A profoundly Biblical view of God as ever-present, all-loving, and fully-active enriched my worldview. I never guessed how vital these beliefs would be for all that would come.
Going back to the final months of 2022, my doctors and dentists knew I had no risk factors for any oral cancer. My primary care physician suggested an allergic reaction was producing the red, painful lesions that spread across the right side of my tongue. I started seeing an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. He assured me after a brief visual exam it wasn’t cancer, a fear that had haunted my mind for weeks. Whew! That was a relief and meant this would surely go away in time….
Next Chapter: A Taste of Death
🥺❤️🩹Always praying for you all 🌈🙏